Valentine’s Appreciation Day: Rethinking Love Beyond Romance

By Kenneth Braswell, Fathers Incorporated

Valentine’s Day is a day that represents love — the kind of love that floats in the air and fills the stores with Hallmark cards, roses, chocolates, and teddy bears (the usual suspects). It’s a day designed to make us feel as though love needs a timestamp, a designated moment on the calendar to be acknowledged.

But to be validated, love doesn’t need February 14. It doesn’t need Cupid’s arrow or overpriced prix fixe dinners. Love, in its truest form, is 365 days a year. It’s the way we wake up and choose to honor, respect, and appreciate the people in our lives — not just because the world tells us to but because it is necessary for human connection.

Love is the way we wake up and choose to honor, respect, and appreciate the people in our lives — not just because the world tells us to but because it is necessary for human connection.

Years ago, when I was in radio, I came up with an idea for an alternative to Valentine’s Day. I called it “Kwanzaa Valentine.” The premise was simple. Instead of buying gifts, people would embrace the Kwanzaa tradition of meaningful giving: thoughtful, intentional, and from the heart. It wasn’t about spending money on predictable gestures but about making something to express genuine appreciation. I imagined a world where people handwrote letters instead of buying cards and crafted something with their own hands instead of reaching for the easiest thing on a store shelf. I even joked about what men could make for women and what women could make for men. It didn’t quite catch fire, but I think about it every year when Valentine’s Day rolls around.

As I reflect on the holiday now, I realize there’s another angle we don’t talk about enough, one that isn’t about romance at all. It’s about love in its broader, more nuanced forms. The love of parents. The love of appreciation. The love of co-parenting, of partnership beyond romance, of gratitude for the role someone plays in your life, even if it isn’t the role of a lover.

For years, I’ve jokingly said “Happy Baby Mama Day” on Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a slight and wasn’t meant to be dismissive. It was an acknowledgment. A way of saying, Hey, I appreciate you—not because we’re in love, but because you are an important part of my life and, more importantly, an essential figure in our child’s life.

We don’t talk about that kind of love enough. The love that exists beyond romantic entanglement. The love that remains after the relationship fades, but responsibility doesn’t. There’s something powerful about acknowledging someone for their role in your child’s life. 

Imagine what it would mean for children to see their parents — even the ones who are no longer together — express gratitude and respect toward one another. Imagine a Valentine’s Day that isn’t just about couples but about the love that sustains families in all their complicated, beautiful forms.

Imagine a Valentine’s Day that isn’t just about couples but about the love that sustains families in all their complicated, beautiful forms.

“Love isn’t just about who you want to be with,” I tell people constantly. “It’s about who you choose to honor in your life, who you respect, and who you appreciate. And that goes beyond romance.”

We live in a time where love is too often reduced to a performance, something to be broadcasted and curated, made Instagram-worthy, and measured by the price tag of the gifts exchanged. But love — the real kind — doesn’t need all of that. Love is in the text message that says, Thinking about you today. It’s in the extra five minutes spent listening when someone needs to be heard. It’s in the silent understanding between two people who may not be together but know they share something more profound than a title.

And so, as Valentine’s Day approaches, I wonder if we’ve been looking at it all wrong. What if we rebranded it? What if, instead of Valentine’s Day, we called it Valentine’s Appreciation Day? A day to express love in all its forms — romantic, platonic, familial, and beyond. A day to simply let people know, I see you. I appreciate you. I love the way you show up in my life.

Let’s be honest: There are people walking around right now who feel invisible, people who dread Valentine’s Day because they’re not in a relationship, people who feel left out of the love-fest. 

But love isn’t just for couples. Love is for all of us. What if we made space for that?

I’ve noticed something interesting lately. Back in the day, when people used hearts in messages, they were always red. Red meant love, period. But now? Now, people are using different colors: blue hearts, purple hearts, and more. And I get it. The blue heart is the I love what you posted, but don’t get it twisted heart. It’s the I support you, but this ain’t that heart. But what if, instead of worrying about what kind of love we’re expressing, we focused on the fact that love is being expressed at all?

We need more of that in the world. More moments to say, I see you. I appreciate you. And for those who are co-parenting, what a powerful thing it would be for children to witness that kind of acknowledgment, to see their parents, whether together or apart, express gratitude for each other, to see that love doesn’t have to be confined to romance but can be expansive, enduring, and generous.

And yes, I know the history of Valentine’s Day. I know it’s rooted in tradition, in Cupid’s arrow, in the old-school notion of courtship. But traditions evolve. And in a world where we spend so much time focusing on what we don’t like, what we don’t have, and what’s wrong, wouldn’t it be beautiful to have a day solely about appreciation? About love in all its forms?

So here’s my challenge to you this Valentine’s Day: Take a moment to reach out to someone who has impacted your life meaningfully. Maybe it’s a co-parent who has shown up for your child in ways you admire. Maybe it’s a friend who’s been there in the quiet moments when you needed support. Maybe it’s a mentor, sibling, or colleague — someone who deserves to know they matter.

And for those dreading Valentine’s Day because they don’t have a “someone” to celebrate with, let me tell you this: You do. You have the people who’ve walked with you, supported you, and loved you in ways that don’t require a candlelit dinner or a bouquet of roses. Love is bigger than that.

So let’s expand the definition. Let’s celebrate the people who make life richer. Let’s make room for appreciation in all its forms. And if you happen to be in the store picking out a card or a box of chocolates, maybe grab an extra for someone unexpected. Someone who might need that little reminder that love — real love! — is all around us.

Happy Valentine’s Appreciation Day. Because love, in all its beautiful, complicated, infinite forms, deserves to be recognized.